February 29. 1860. Wednesday

I do not know where she is. I have looked everywhere for her, yet she is nowhere to be found. In the village, thru the forests nearby and even the castle itself and still nothing. She really is nowhere I can think of. She must have run away from me. This is my fault! If I had just paid more attention to her, maby she wouldn’t have left. I must find her! I will not let my wife just leave me here alone. There is just one problem. Where do I look now? I have had my whole staff look for her inside the castle and nothing has come out of it. Nobody has seen her leave the castle, but she is not still inside ether.

Jonah has already been questioned by both Francis and me. If she would want to leave, I had thought she would bring him along. If he leaves somewhere the next few days, I will hunt him down, stalk him and note his every move. If they have planed this somehow, I do not know what I will do. Cry? Get angry? Feel relived? Be frightened, embarrassed? Even happy? I do not know. I just want my wife back to me.

February 25. 1860. Saturday

I apologized to Mia. I really felt sorry about the things I had done and how things had gone. At last, she smiled at me. For now, at least, things seem to be going the right way. There are few things in this world that are stronger than a heartfelt smile at the right time. The rest of the day, we spent together up in one of the towers. We talked and held hands, like children in love and when supper came, I had fallen asleep. Francis came to me afterwards to wake me. Mia had stayed in the kitchen with the chef again. When he told me she was with Jonah, I must admit, I did get suspicious. I hope she stayed there, just to check on his injury. I don’t think I could stand ruining a day so sweet such as this.

February 24. 1860. Friday

Mia and I had an argument last night. At diner, we spoke of something I have wanted to speak of a long time. I want a child. When I have tried to bring it up on earlier occasions, she has always turned the subject on to something she sees more fit. But, as I’ve said, we spoke about it. She did not respond well to my want for children. She started rambling on about how she did not want to live in pain for nine months, then to give life to something as completely useless as a descendent of mine. When she said this, I must have lost my mind for a second. I hit her with the back of my hand. I was hurt and I wanted her to feel it. To understand what she had just said. She started crying and went to her room. The rest of the day, I did not see more to Mia. Today, she was quiet. We had breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper together, just like we use to, but the conversations ware short and pointless. I know we both felt the same.

Why is all this happening? Why has she changed so much? Ever since New Year’s, Mia has been more and more unpleasant. I do not know what has gotten into her, but she is not the woman I am used to. Not the woman I fell in love with in Ferrygrand.

Sunshine today. Ironic, isn’t it?

February 24. 1860. Friday

Mia and I had an argument last night. At diner, we spoke of something I have wanted to speak of a long time. I want a child. When I have tried to bring it up on earlier occasions, she has always turned the subject on to something she sees more fit. But, as I’ve said, we spoke about it. She did not respond well to my want for children. She started rambling on about how she did not want to live in pain for nine months, then to give life to something as completely useless as a descendent of mine. When she said this, I must have lost my mind for a second. I hit her with the back of my hand. I was hurt and I wanted her to feel it. To understand what she had just said. She started crying and went to her room. The rest of the day, I did not see more to Mia. Today, she was quiet. We had breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper together, just like we use to, but the conversations ware short and pointless. I know we both felt the same.

Why is all this happening? Why has she changed so much? Ever since New Year’s, Mia has been more and more unpleasant. I do not know what has gotten into her, but she is not the woman I am used to. Not the woman I fell in love with in Ferrygrand.

Sunshine today. Ironic, isn’t it?

February 21. 1860. Tuesday

It is now the first day for Jonah back at work. As expected, Mia was not to be seen today. I have no idea why this annoys me. There is no real proof that Mia is unfaithful to me. Grow up, Jarrod!

February 18. 1860. Saturday

I have been thinking of starting a hobby. I already hunt when the opportunity percents itself. Maybe something simple, like paintings or other artistic things, but I have never really been very interested in that. Maybe Ferdinand has some suggestions.

February 15. 1860. Wednesday

Ferdinand came to visit today. We sat in the library for a while, talking and having tea. He got the chance to meet Mia, who finally has decided to exit her room. She didn’t give him more than a cold shoulder, though, when he gave her his condolences. She has just grown more proud and nosy ever since we moved in to this castle.

We took a walk, Ferdinand and I, around the courtyard, looking at things that none of us had any real connection to or interest of, but it served as a nice conversation starter. He kept saying “this place is marvelous on the outside!” and “I have never been to these parts of the castle before.” When I asked him when the last time he had been here was, he said he couldn’t remember quite, but it was for business.

In the chef’s absence, the food here was nothing more than all right. We talked about his injury, but here, Mia turned the subject on to something else. A bit rude, if you ask me.

I confronted Mia when Ferdinand had left. I told her that I had noticed a slight change in her temper. I made it clear that I did not like this, but still, she treated me like I was a bothersome servant. I ended the discussion a bit more angrily than necessary by hitting the table and telling her to grow up before I walked out. I am a bit ashamed of myself, but just a tiny bit.